I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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