remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
