His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
