Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
