we're chasing vodka with high fives
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
