you told grandpa to call you daddy
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
