So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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