Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
