you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
