Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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