Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
