I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
