Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
