....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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