I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
