the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
