John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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