I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
