i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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