I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
