God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
