i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
