Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
