i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize