I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize