I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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