i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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