I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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