I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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