I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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