Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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