we're chasing vodka with high fives
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
