we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
