i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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