You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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