is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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