Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
