I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
