8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
