just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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