people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
