worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Oh god it's open bar.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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