I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
