Where is the hickey?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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