i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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