So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
