TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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