At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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