90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize