I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
