I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
