Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
