Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
