So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
