was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Randomize
