Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
