It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize