apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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