Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
