just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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