He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
