he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
