this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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