I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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