how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize