Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
