2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
How's work?
Spinning.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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