I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
